I Guess It's Finished..

Well..Casey dropped the bomb on me last Saturday afternoon that he wanted to break up. I guess he is sick of taking care of me and doesn't want to do it anymore. Which I can understand. I've been using his car for the past 4 months and really, right now, am not going anywhere with my life. He wants a woman that can take care of herself and that he doesn't need to worry about always being there for.

I guess it just hurts because, had the roles been reversed, I wouldn't have minded taking care of him..but girls usually are the more compassionate of the genders.

It's so hard, though. Because I just love him so much. I honestly saw a future with us and I THOUGHT I would be with him for forever. But I guess nothing in the future is set in stone. And I DO believe that everything happens for a reason. I know we were supposed to be together for this yr and a half for a reason. There's a purpose to everything, and I really believe that.

Casey was such an amazing guy and he taught me AMAZING things about myself. I now have the confidence I always lacked. I know what kind of a person I am and what I can REALLY accomplish. Casey has done wonderful things for my self-confidence and I know he truly loves me.

Now WHY would he break up with me if he loved me?? Well, I've known things have been different for the past couple months. He's grown more and more distant, but has kept reassuring me everything's fine. I know what it took for him to actually break up with me..I could see it killed him inside, and that is why I have no hard feelings. He is an amazing guy and whoever gets him to finally settle down will be a very lucky girl. I know I will miss him like no other. He means more to me than any other guy ever has. Casey has been there for me through my darkest hours. And I love him so much for that.

But life always moves on. I just have to remember that. I have secured a job up in SLC at the downtown Winger's, and have an interview at a more upscale restaurant tomorrow. I also will be rooming with a good friend I've met up there. She's a very sweet girl and I know things will work out just smashingly. I just have to tell myself to be strong and not pine away over Casey. What matters to me most is his happiness..and if this is what he needs to do to be happy, then I will respect that. He is SUCH an amazing individual, I respect him and love him so much.

Anyway, any and all kind words would be much appreciated at this time. It's been difficult, and hasn't really set in yet because we're still living together until I can get my shit moved up to SLC..but I know I will have a much harder time once we're actually apart. I would love to hear all your kind words.

Things Gotta Get Worse Before They Can Get Better..

Things have been so crazy lately, and it seems like times have been passing by a LOT faster than I'd like them to.. This year has FLOWN by..I can't believe it's August already, when it seems like I just moved back from Vegas a few weeks ago. It's so crazy how things can change within a matter of months. We've been living on our own for a grand total of four months now..how weird! We've resigned our lease to go till next April (weird..we'll have been together 2 yrs by then)..and it's like things just keep on changing.

I know Casey's never been this broke in his life, but I hope to him, it's worth it. To be able to live together and make our own future. Kind of makes me feel good that him and his ex were together for FIVE. YEARS. and they weren't any closer to moving out when they broke up than they were when they first started dating. And then we've only been together about a yr and 4 months now, and I'm HOPING by next yr sometime we'll be able to buy a starter home. We'll see though..

But it's just so crazy..life changes so fast, and sometimes you just don't know if you'll be able to make it through everything..and then you look to your side, and you see that one person that has always supported you.. Well, that's how I feel. Sometimes things are so rough and I want to give up and just go back to "being a kid" again..but then I look at Casey and I know that it's all worth it. Our fights, arguments, hard times..I KNOW will all be worth it. I look at him, and he is what I want for the rest of my life. As of right now..he IS my life. He makes me happier than anyone else can, no matter what.. Even if he is the one that made me sad in the first place, I want it to be him that makes me feel better, no one else. Which is why I know this is all worth it. All these hard times.

Of course, what would a girl be without her friends. My dearest Brittany girl. These last few weeks have been rough on our friendship, I know that..but I want her to know that I love her and don't know what I would do without her in my life. She is my dearest friend and I always want it to be that way. I can tell her anything, she is the first I think of when I have exciting news that needs to be shared, and she's the first I want to talk to when I'm having a hard time and feel like just breaking down. She's SO. STRONG., and I lean on her strength too much. Sometimes I forget she isn't super woman..though I swear she is and she's just using her alter ego to hide it from me. ;)

My AMAZING friend, Ryane. I'm so glad I hopefully will be acquiring her as a cousin-in-law in the future. We have SOO much in common and can talk about just anything. She's amazing, plus our boyfriends are so much alike that we ALWAYS understand each other when there's problems..which I love. She's amazing. I lovers her!!

Anyway, I just feel like expressing my gratitude to those who mean the absolute most to me in my life. I've got an even longer blog about it on my myspace..look it up: www.myspace.com/willaciousd. I just want to tell everyone how appreciative I am!! YAY for life..even though it may be REALLY hard sometimes and teaches you some lessons you never wanted to learn, I am grateful for life. And all that it has to offer.

Party At Our House!! =)

So last night we had a freakin amazing lil shindig @ our casa. The first we've actually ever had over here. It was a lot of fun! Our buddy Paul came with a date, Jordyn..she was SOO cute, just so you know! LOVED the girl! Then Casey's buddy Keith came over. Then my next door neighbor/coworker came over with her husband and a bunch of their buddies, then my girl Amy and my buddy Zac came over. Then last but not least, my friend Lyndsi and her friend Shelly came and chilled. So it was pretty fun..no HUGE party, but it's more people than we've ever had over! Such a good time! =)

Casey bought me some vodka and I had my own mixed drinks..as always, then Paul brought over this drink they call Hatorade..oh god. It had cool-aid, sprite, and an ENTIRE bottle of Everclear in it. Tasted pretty yummy..but Everclear does icky things to me..so I didn't even touch it. But Casey is feelin the after-effects this morning. Poor baby.. =( but yeah..it got everyone pretty trashed. Ha ha we've got quite the mess this morning.

So...played some drunken rock band, and were just loud and boisterous. I can't believe the neighbors didn't complain. I think it's cuz we're NEVER loud, so the few times that we are, they kind of turn the other cheek. It's real cool of them, and our landlord lives right next door and didn't come out at all, either. So this place pretty much kicks butt to live at. We live around some REAL chill people. =) fo sho!

Anyway, good times at our place! I friggin LOVE everyone that came over. Not to mention I was SO beyond drunk last night and not even a hangover this morning. Yeah..I know how to control my liquor. lol so i think... (knock on wood!)

Green Street, baby!!

So last night was SERIOUSLY the most fun I've had in a LONG ass time!! Oh my god..it was just, CRAZY!! So my cousin Megan knew one of the bouncers @ Green St and he agreed to let me in. So I went with her and her two friends Tiffany and Amber. They were AWESOME chicks!! I had SUCH a good time! We got there about 10pm and it was still pretty slow..not a whole lotta people there. But by 11:30 it was BUMPIN! Seriously..ugh..next time I'm wearin a mini-skirt and tank top cuz i was DYING. But it was a blast! Got some AWESOME drinks: 2 Amaretto Sours, some shot with apple pucker in it, a white russian, an AMF (Audios Mother Fucker...hee hee!), and then at the AFTER party, after the bar closed I had 2 drinks there..for free! lol It was SUCH a great night! Oh wow..met so many random people. I haven't had to tell so many people I'm taken in awhile..it was kind of nice to get some attention, ya know? But yeah, lots of nice people! Everyone was so chill, it was TITS! =)

Then at the after party I started freakin out..cuz me and my drunken self was talkin to one of the security guards there and I blurted out that I'm under 21..yadda yadda yadda..so he was all, "you just told the wrong person..." ugh..I am SOO lucky I didn't get into trouble. He was one of the bouncers @ Green St., too..and I KNOW he saw me there. ha ha I'm such a dork. but oh well..nothin happened, so it's cool.

So all in all it was a fantastic night! I've honestly not had that much fun in over a year! It's so crazy how much FUN bars are! I'm scared to turn 21 now..lol I LOVE the nightlife! FO SHO! And tonight we'll be goin up to RMR for 4th of July races! I'm STOKED for that!! Then Saturday and Sunday I don't have to work, too!! HELL YEAH! I'm stoked! This weekend is shapin up to be one of the best I've had in awhile! FO SHO!

YEAH BOI!

So this week has passed by unnaturally fast. Probably because of all this working I've been doing. I've been trying to do overload @ Winger's.. It's gettin tough, though. I want a regular f/t day job. I'm losing contact with all my bestest friends.. Like my girl, Brittany. It's been at least 3 weeks since we've hung out just us.. It's sad. =( I saw her on her daughter's birthday..but since then..nothing. It makes me sad. Though I have been getting a LOT of sun lately. I LOVE. lol I'm obsessed with being brown.

Anywho..life is good. Our lease ends next month and we'll be resigning it till next April. So that's pretty cool. Who knows, maybe by that time we'll be able to afford a house or something. I'm hoping by next spring I'll be working with an insurance firm and progressing in my love of insurance. Yeah..I'm a nerd..what can I say. =) lol but that's my plan. Plus Casey is slowly moving up in his dad's company. So we're working on getting set in life. Right now my main goal is to get my insurance licenses and buy my own car. Hopefully I can accomplish that before the end of this year. I feel so bad for driving around Casey's car..though I DO love driving it. lol

I've been working @ Winger's for FIVE months now..it's so crazy. I plan on staying there a couple yrs at least. I just love it there. Plus SOO laid back. All the managers are really cool and I've already got seniority. I'm just a good server..what can I say. ;)

Anyway, not much to say. Just thought I'd update my life. Check ya'll lata!

Just chillin!

So yesterday was such a fun day!! I had a BLAST! :) So I went to the reservoir to hang out with my girl Shannon (she's so fuckin cute!), and some of my buddies: Matt, Zac, Cheo..and one of Matt's lady friends. So it was fun. I'm gettin some serious color now and I'm TOTALLY diggin it! lol but we had fun just layin out and bein dumb. Gotta love the res!!

Had to work a double today, but it was alright, made some pretty good money to be honest. It was bitchin. Thats when i LOVE workin doubles. Makes the day totally worth it. Not to mention all that money I get to deposit now. How lame is that..I'm EXCITED to deposit my money. Shouldn't I be all about spending it??! lol nah, been there, done that.

So I was out with friends last night till 4AM!! Ugh..I don't know why I'm up so early..probably because I gotta go to work in about half an hour and I'm trying to wake myself up beforehand. But it was fun..I haven't gone out in awhile, and I've worked every fuckin night this week..so I thought I deserved it. But we had to fuckin hike to some kid's camp out in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the fuckin night! Ugh..it was intense! lol but it was fun. I had a TINY bit to drink..couldn't get buzzed or nothin cuz I was DD. Glad I stayed sober. Both of my girlfriends were TRASHED! lol it was pretty funny..not gonna lie. I love seein people drunk that I've never seen drunk before. Gives you a good understanding of them. lol :)

So tonight is my FIRST night off this week and me and Casey FINALLY get to just chill together! Mmm..that's my favorite! You know..not gonna lie, I DO miss the single life sometimes..the carefree freedom. But I wouldn't trade what I have with Casey for ANYTHING. I love him SOO much..and he makes commitment worth it. He treats me so good and he honestly loves me. And I know that without a doubt. :) Aww!! Tender moment right there! Just thought I'd share how much I love my amazing boyfriend! He's fabulous!

Well that's about it for this blog. Just bored before work! Peace out dawgs!

CELTICS WON THE TROPHY!!

so Celtics TOTALLY kicked some SERIOUS ass yesterday! OMG! That was SUCH an awesome game, TOTALLY killed the Lakers. Largest margin in a finals victory was 42, won by the Bulls in '84 I believe.. Well, we didn't quite hit that, but it was 131-92! Seriously...who gets that high?! Usually you'll only see points that high in overtime. But yes..the game was phenomenal..and it was just. Amazing. I was SO unbelievably stoked! Celtics are my team baby!! :) YEAH BOI!

Anyway, life is awesome. I had TWO interviews yesterday. One as a receptionist at an auto company and another as a collections agent at a security company. So we'll see..HOPEFULLY one of them works out. Because I NEED more money! :p I hate being broke ALL the friggin time! Especially now that it's summer and I SHOULD be treating myself to tank tops and mini-skirts! lol So I'm workin on it.

So me and Casey will be getting a kitten soon!! I'm so stoked! We were gonna bring his kitty with us to our new house..but we live RIGHT on the main road, and his cat is used to being an inside/outside cat, and we just cant have that. It would make us so sad if he got hit. :( So we are just gonna get a kitten and train it to be an inside kitty pretty much. But I'm so excited! It'll be so much fun to have an animal in the house! Seriously!

311/Snoop Dogg concert is in less than 2 weeks!! I'm so beyond stoked!! My 2nd concert and hopefully it'll be a great one! But of course it will be! Snoop Dogg is AMAZING! Aahh..I LOVE him! lol Egads I can't wait!!

Anywho..that's about it! Love ya'll!