I Guess It's Finished..

Well..Casey dropped the bomb on me last Saturday afternoon that he wanted to break up. I guess he is sick of taking care of me and doesn't want to do it anymore. Which I can understand. I've been using his car for the past 4 months and really, right now, am not going anywhere with my life. He wants a woman that can take care of herself and that he doesn't need to worry about always being there for.

I guess it just hurts because, had the roles been reversed, I wouldn't have minded taking care of him..but girls usually are the more compassionate of the genders.

It's so hard, though. Because I just love him so much. I honestly saw a future with us and I THOUGHT I would be with him for forever. But I guess nothing in the future is set in stone. And I DO believe that everything happens for a reason. I know we were supposed to be together for this yr and a half for a reason. There's a purpose to everything, and I really believe that.

Casey was such an amazing guy and he taught me AMAZING things about myself. I now have the confidence I always lacked. I know what kind of a person I am and what I can REALLY accomplish. Casey has done wonderful things for my self-confidence and I know he truly loves me.

Now WHY would he break up with me if he loved me?? Well, I've known things have been different for the past couple months. He's grown more and more distant, but has kept reassuring me everything's fine. I know what it took for him to actually break up with me..I could see it killed him inside, and that is why I have no hard feelings. He is an amazing guy and whoever gets him to finally settle down will be a very lucky girl. I know I will miss him like no other. He means more to me than any other guy ever has. Casey has been there for me through my darkest hours. And I love him so much for that.

But life always moves on. I just have to remember that. I have secured a job up in SLC at the downtown Winger's, and have an interview at a more upscale restaurant tomorrow. I also will be rooming with a good friend I've met up there. She's a very sweet girl and I know things will work out just smashingly. I just have to tell myself to be strong and not pine away over Casey. What matters to me most is his happiness..and if this is what he needs to do to be happy, then I will respect that. He is SUCH an amazing individual, I respect him and love him so much.

Anyway, any and all kind words would be much appreciated at this time. It's been difficult, and hasn't really set in yet because we're still living together until I can get my shit moved up to SLC..but I know I will have a much harder time once we're actually apart. I would love to hear all your kind words.

Things Gotta Get Worse Before They Can Get Better..

Things have been so crazy lately, and it seems like times have been passing by a LOT faster than I'd like them to.. This year has FLOWN by..I can't believe it's August already, when it seems like I just moved back from Vegas a few weeks ago. It's so crazy how things can change within a matter of months. We've been living on our own for a grand total of four months now..how weird! We've resigned our lease to go till next April (weird..we'll have been together 2 yrs by then)..and it's like things just keep on changing.

I know Casey's never been this broke in his life, but I hope to him, it's worth it. To be able to live together and make our own future. Kind of makes me feel good that him and his ex were together for FIVE. YEARS. and they weren't any closer to moving out when they broke up than they were when they first started dating. And then we've only been together about a yr and 4 months now, and I'm HOPING by next yr sometime we'll be able to buy a starter home. We'll see though..

But it's just so crazy..life changes so fast, and sometimes you just don't know if you'll be able to make it through everything..and then you look to your side, and you see that one person that has always supported you.. Well, that's how I feel. Sometimes things are so rough and I want to give up and just go back to "being a kid" again..but then I look at Casey and I know that it's all worth it. Our fights, arguments, hard times..I KNOW will all be worth it. I look at him, and he is what I want for the rest of my life. As of right now..he IS my life. He makes me happier than anyone else can, no matter what.. Even if he is the one that made me sad in the first place, I want it to be him that makes me feel better, no one else. Which is why I know this is all worth it. All these hard times.

Of course, what would a girl be without her friends. My dearest Brittany girl. These last few weeks have been rough on our friendship, I know that..but I want her to know that I love her and don't know what I would do without her in my life. She is my dearest friend and I always want it to be that way. I can tell her anything, she is the first I think of when I have exciting news that needs to be shared, and she's the first I want to talk to when I'm having a hard time and feel like just breaking down. She's SO. STRONG., and I lean on her strength too much. Sometimes I forget she isn't super woman..though I swear she is and she's just using her alter ego to hide it from me. ;)

My AMAZING friend, Ryane. I'm so glad I hopefully will be acquiring her as a cousin-in-law in the future. We have SOO much in common and can talk about just anything. She's amazing, plus our boyfriends are so much alike that we ALWAYS understand each other when there's problems..which I love. She's amazing. I lovers her!!

Anyway, I just feel like expressing my gratitude to those who mean the absolute most to me in my life. I've got an even longer blog about it on my myspace..look it up: www.myspace.com/willaciousd. I just want to tell everyone how appreciative I am!! YAY for life..even though it may be REALLY hard sometimes and teaches you some lessons you never wanted to learn, I am grateful for life. And all that it has to offer.